I am..... Dracula!
You might remember my band, The Twilights, and our hit record
"Transylvania 6-5000." It was big in our neck of the woods.
Tonight, as the full moon rises, I command invite you to
join me as I introduce two charming young ladies.
(Well, one of them is more than 500 years old.)
They hope to win your heart with the songs
they play on S-P-M-M Retrosonic Radio.
I BITE. I SUCK.
THEY DON'T.
Now let us meet and greet these
Shady Bunch deejay apprentices.
Part 1: Wake Up Maggie ...
(Your New Dog's a Killer K-9)
COLD OPEN:
CLICK TO START THE VIDEO NOW!
"Puppy Love" - Barbara Lewis (Feb./Mar. 1964,
highest chart pos. #38 Hot 100 & R&B/#58 Cash Box)
Kicking-off my part of the show,
that was soul singer Barbara Lewis
and "Puppy Love." Released in the
fall of 1963 around the time of the
JFK assassination, Barbara's record
was a crossover hit that made the
top 40 on both the pop and the
R&B chart in late winter, 1964.
Hello! I'm
Maggie Glenn,
a single gal, career journalist
and the main character of
Good Boy...
a 2020 episode of the Hulu
horror anthology TV series
Into The Dark.
Here's my deal. After effectively placing a glass ceiling directly
over my head and noticing how much it pissed me off, my weasel
boss recommended that I get myself an emotional support dog.
I found an incredibly cute pup named Reuben...
a cross-breed between a Dachshund and a Terrier.
At first, all was well, but ooops! - that doggie in the window...
the one with the waggly tail... turned out to be a killer canine!
That's right, friends and neighbors. You see, Reuben, or "Reubie," as I call him,
will attack and kill anyone who upsets me, stresses me out or tries to hurt me.
Reuben's got my back... and my misogynist boss's throat in his jowls.
Now that you've read my
Facebook profile, I want to
welcome you to the new
Shady's Place series
Scream
Queens
and my segment entitled
Wake Up Maggie...
Your New Dog's
Your New Dog's
a Killer K-9!
The songs I'm playing tell you about my mis-adventures in pet ownership.
Remember what they say: there are no bad dogs... just bad owners.
CLICK TO START THE VIDEO NOW!
Excuse me a sec. Drop it, Reuben! I said drop it! Oops, too late. He just swallowed
my best friend's nose. Bad dog! Yep, you should see what happens when a date gets
too frisky with me. It's rowdy Reubie to the rescue! Watch out boy, he'll chew you up.
Here he comes. He's a "Maneater." More on the story from Daryl Hall & John Oates!
"Maneater" - Daryl Hall And John Oates (Dec. 1982/Jan. 1983,
highest chart pos. #1 Hot 100 & Cash Box)
You just saw Daryl Hall and
John Oates doing "Maneater,"
their early 80s chart-topping
hit, and my rowdy rover
Reubie's favorite song.
Well I'll be doggone, my part
of the show is over before I got
a chance to tell you how Reubie
dealt with my money-grubbing
landlord. Maybe next time
when I return to sing the
bow-wow blues on
Wake Up Maggie...
Your New Dog's
a Killer K-9!
exclusively here at Shady's Place.
CLICK TO START THE VIDEO NOW!
To play me off, here's Rod Stewart to sing my theme song, "Maggie May,"
voted one of Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. For now, this is
Maggie Glenn along with my killer K-9 Reuben, saying goodbye and take care!
"Maggie May" - Rod Stewart
(Sept./Oct. 1971, highest chart pos. #1 Hot 100 & Cash Box)
Fangtastic job, Maggie.
I'd like to have you for
dinner sometime soon.
Until then, I'll try to
satisfy my craving
with Adam's apple...
but I'm afraid
your little
hellhound
might beat
me to it.
Hey, Drac --- BITE ME! On second thought... don't.
Count Dracula, you are so lame. You are nothing but a buzz kill,
a washed up has-been. I dated you in the 18th century. Even then,
you were nothing to write home about, and look at you now -
over the hill. You frighten no one... not even a child. Reuben
the dog is scarier than you. Casper the Friendly Ghost is scarier.
Macaulay Culkin is scarier. The Pillsbury Doughboy is scarier.
The Geico Gecko is scarier, you old puff of smoke...
you shriveled up caped cretin!
Part 2: Hello Dolly...
(Goodbye Blood)
Hello to one and all. I am Ghost Doll Nadja.
... the cute, cuddly, potty-mouth ghost/doppelganger mini-me doll
that belongs to the Romani vampire Nadja of Antipaxos on
What We Do In The Shadows, the FX mockumentary
comedy horror TV series set on Staten Island.
I will now turn this drab affair into an
out-and-out Balkan blowout as I
bring you my segment called
Party Doll Nadja.
As the Ghost of Nadja, I am more than 500 years old, but I don't look a day over 18.
That is because I have inhabited this cute little doll.
Yes, it is true. I have the ability to inhabit people, animals
and even inanimate objects like Shady Del Knight.
Inhabiting is what I do. Inhabiting is a hard habit to break.
I am already getting hundreds of song requests, but only have time
to play three. I am well versed in popular music. Since I have been
around for centuries, I was there at the very start of rock & roll
...the big bang we now refer to as "Milli Vanilli."
Back by popular demand,
here are the LA-based
Cristea siblings, the
rocking metal band
that adopted the
stage name Liliac,
the Romanian word
for "bat." You see...
their mother and
father come from
Nadja's neck of the
woods - Transylvania.
They "lived" within
spitting distance of
Castle Dracula.
CLICK TO START THE VIDEO NOW!
Experience the excitement as Liliac covers a song made popular in 1988
by Joan Jett And The Blackhearts-- "I Hate Myself For Loving You!"
"I Hate Myself For Loving You" - Joan Jett
And The Blackhearts cover by Liliac (Feb. 2021)
As I told you, I once dated count Dracula. I also dated
this handsome devil... and he was a lot more fun.
In fact, he sang me a song in one of his movies!
CLICK TO START THE VIDEO NOW!
Here's Elvis the Pelvis in a scene from King Creole crooning- "Lover Doll!"
"Lover Doll" - Elvis Presley (scene from July, 1958, film King Creole)
Times have changed in
the old country. Romania
today has thriving dance-
pop, hip hop, rock and
metal scenes. Romanian
guitar wizard and music
producer Andrei Cerbu
has several YouTube
channels devoted to
those and other genres
featuring electrifying
performances by
young artists like
the one I picked
to conclude
my segment.
CLICK TO START
THE VIDEO NOW!
Behold Rockmina, the banshee frontwoman of Andrei Cerbu's band
The Voodoo Child, performing live at a blues festival in north-eastern
Romania at the crossroads of Central and Eastern Europe, doing
a killer cover of Led Zep's "Rock And Roll." Now this is your
Ghostess With the Mostest, your Romanian Raggedy Ann
Ghost Nadja. See you next time on
Party Doll Nadja!
"Rock And Roll - Led Zeppelin cover by
The Voodoo Child feat. Rockmina (Aug. 2021 perf.
at the Suceava Blues Festival in Bukovina, Romania)
Dawn is breaking and
our show draws to a close.
Fangs for being here tonight.
I hope you enjoyed the post.
For me, it was much more
pleasant than a stake.
I'll be lurking for you,
blud, so watch your
back and your neck.
Fare thee well!
SCREAM QUEENS
Howl of Fame:
LEADING LADY
JUNE KENNEY IN
EARTH VS. THE SPIDER (1958)
