Plan B (Soft) - Volume 2: The Case of Ruby... The Carnival Girl Who Took Her Love to Town!

(COLD SHOW OPEN)

CLICK TO START THE VIDEO NOW!

 "Batholomew" - The Silent Comedy 

 (from 2010 album Common Faults, theme 
 from season 1 of TV series Goliath 

 THE CASE OF RUBY... 

 THE CARNIVAL GIRL WHO 

 TOOK HER LOVE TO TOWN! 

 "Ruby Baby' - Dion 

 (Feb/Mar. 1963, highest chart pos. #2 Hot 100/#3 Cash Box) 

Our client's name is Ruby.

Ruby is a "carny"...

a carnival worker.

She operates a very

successful kissing booth.

In the trade it's called

a "smooch booth."

Ruby is a good kid...

a nice girl. She means well.

Ruby was my mother's name.

Our client stands accused of

pitting brother against brother

in a tug-of-war to win her

hand and other body parts.

I'm Jimmy Berluti...

an associate at the Boston

law firm of Donnell, Young,

Dole & Frutt on the hit

TV series The Practice.

They call me Jimmy the Grunt
because I'm strictly a working-class
stiff - no pretense, just a regular guy
practicing law, and I'm gonna keep
on practicing until I get it right.

I'm Patty

Solis-Papagian...

a DUI lawyer/real estate agent

who works with Santa Monica

attorney Billy McBride (who

bears a striking resemblance

to Billy Bob Thornton) on the

hit television series Goliath.

And I'm

Kim Wexler...

a lawyer who previously worked

at a successful law firm based

in Albuquerque. Currently,

I'm sharing office space with

"Slippin' Jimmy" McGill aka

Saul Goodman, a small-time

lawyer on the hit TV series

Better Call Saul, a spin-

off of Breaking Bad.

We welcome you to

Plan B (Soft)...
a very different kind of radio show
coming to you exclusively here on
S-P-M-M, the number one station
for crimes and investigation. On
every show I, along with my law
partners, bring you in on actual
court cases and reveal our secret
strategy as we defend clients
and help them beat the rap.

As experienced lawyers, Patty,

Kim and I make a formidable

dream team. We lay down the

law, mount a rigorous defense.

Remember our slogan: "Your

problems will be little 'cause

we always win acquittal."

Now,  I can hear some of

you asking, "What exactly do

you mean by Plan B (Soft)?"

"Plan B" is where we create

reasonable doubt in the minds

of the jurors that our client is
guilty. We do that by pointing

the finger at somebody else

and suggesting that they

did the crime. 

 

Kim, Patty and I intend to prove beyond a reasonable

doubt, in fact, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there

is no better radio show anywhere than the one we

are hosting on S-P-M-M. As you will see & hear,

the evidence is overwhelming and irrefutable.

Now back to our case.

Right off the bat, I ask
you not to hate our
client simply because
she's beautiful. Listen
closely to her story

and give her a fair trial.

In a nutshell (and in a taxi
cab)... Ruby came to me
and revealed that she
is charged with first
degree "HB&E" - heart-
breaking and entering

(into promiscuity).

Don't judge on the basis of looks alone. Make no mistake, ladies
and gentlemen of the jury. Ruby is not a floozy. She is not a hussy.

She is wholesome, prim and proper, a nice, down to earth
girl from a good family, raised right by her mama.

The evidence will show that Ruby and
her family lived in the country and
were dirt poor. That being the case,
Ruby was miserable, always longing
for something better and looking for
a chance to break free of her hard life.

The fact of the matter is that Ruby's morals were corrupted the night

she took a walk before dark to a swingin' place called Kennywood Park.

 "Kennywood Park" Freddy Cannon 

 (1986 rerecording of "Palisades Park") 

From the moment Ruby got a
taste of fun and excitement at
that amusement park, her life

became a roller-coaster ride.
She made up her mind once
and for all to pull up stakes
and put her bleak life in
the boondocks behind her.

CLICK TO START
THE VIDEO NOW!

 "Goodbye cruel world!" Ruby cried.
"I'm off to join the circus!" or...
in Ruby's case... the carnival.

 "Goodbye Cruel World" - James Darren 

 (Nov./Dec. 1961, highest chart pos. #2 Cash Box/#3 Hot 100) 

Ruby packed her bags

and bade farewell to her

high school sweetheart.

He said "Goodbye, Ruby"

on a Tuesday. (See what

I did there?) She threw

caution to the wind...

rolled the dice and

gave the wheel of

fortune a spin.

CLICK TO START
THE VIDEO NOW!

In short... Ruby took her love
to town and never looked back.

 "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town" 

 - Kenny Rogers And The First Edition 

 (July/Aug. 1969, highest chart pos. #6 Hot 100/#7 Cash Box) 

Ruby took to her new life with the carnival like a fish to water.

Before long she had found not one

but two new boyfriends, and they

turned out to be brothers. One

brother was the tilt-a-whirl

guy, and the other ran

the bumper car track.

It was only a matter of time before a lovers' triangle

developed and someone got hurt.

Objection, your honor! Badgering! The prosecution's claim
that my client regards men as playthings, as nothing

more than toys, lacks foundation and is prejudicial.

I also move to strike! Counsel's
assertion that our client is afraid
to take the witness stand in her
own defense calls for spec-
ulation and is without merit.

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THE VIDEO NOW!

Ruby wants the truth to come out.
She has stated on numerous
occasions, both publicly and
privately: "I Wanna Testify!"

 "I Wanna Testify" - The Parliaments 

 (Aug./Sept. 1967, highest chart pos. #3 R&B, 
 #18 Cash Box/#20 Hot 100)

Ladies and gentlemen, I totally concur

with what my distinguished colleague

Miss Wexler just told you. I assure you

that our client is eager to clear her name. 

CLICK TO START

THE VIDEO NOW!

Ruby takes her sworn oath to tell

the truth and nothing but the truth

 very seriously. In our pretrial prep

sessions she has repeated over and

over again-- "Ain't Gonna Lie."

 "Ain't Gonna Lie" - Keith 

 (Oct./Nov. 1966, highest chart pos. 
 #31 Cash Box/#39 Hot 100) 

In the end, Ruby negotiated a deal on her own behalf

whereby she meets behind closed doors with the judge

in his chambers every Saturday night for a year.

Citing Ruby's very good behavior, the judge released
her on her own recognizance. 

The Case of Ruby...

The Carnival Girl Who
Took Her Love to Town

was a media circus, but the trial

is over and the case is closed.
Thanks for being here. Stay
tuned on the other side of
news for that nifty missy

 of the fabulous Fifties

Joyce Martin who will

be here with the latest

edition of her show

 Joyce Martin's

a Gold Digger...

Joyce is a good kid...a nice girl.... she means well. Joyce was my mother's name.

And stick around because we'll be back soon with another true
crime story ripped from our case files. Till then remember this.
If you're in an accident, Better Call Saul or Billy McBride.

CLICK TO START THE VIDEO NOW!

But if you need a music fix and need it real bad, call our lawfirm. Remember
too that suspicion equals reasonable doubt, and that's what Plan B (Soft) is
all about. Now for my partners Kim Wexler and Patty Solis-Papagian this is
Jimmy Berluti reminding you to treat your mama real nice. See you next time!

Alan Shore Wheedles: "Letch Dance!"

(COLD SHOW OPEN)

CLICK TO START THE VIDEO NOW!

Pan's People do the "Monster Mash" -

Bobby "Boris" Pickett And The Crypt-Kickers

(Halloween 1962, highest chart pos. #1,

ver. 2 of dance perf. by Pan's People on
Sept. 13, 1973, ep. of Top Of The Pops)

Halloween's fast approaching and what better way to get into the spirit
than with a zesty dance routine by the lovely and talented Pan's People
from the English music television series Top Of The Pops? In that
vintage clip from Halloween season 1973, Pan's Peeps did the
"Mash"... they did the "Monster Mash," shaking their groove
things to Bobby (Boris) Pickett's nifty novelty number,
a record that originally charted at Halloween 1962.

Hi there. I'm
Alan Shore

and you're not.

I got that one
from Chevy Chase.

(BA-DUM-BUMP)

Unless you've been hiding out on planet Pluto for the last hundred years,

you know that I'm the hot shot lawyer who starred in not one but two

hit courtroom dramedies, namely The Practice and Boston Legal.

On season 8 of The Practice, I swept in, grabbed the reins and singlehandedly

resurrected the struggling Boston law firm of Young, Frutt, and Berluti. When

that blew up I moved across town, shook up the establishment and proved
myself the best and most libidinous lawyer at my BFF Denny Crane's

shop Crane, Poole & Schmidt as the star of Boston Legal.

A little more about me: My hobbies are women, incessant flirting, women,

getting even, women, invading personal space, women and crossing
the line in imaginative ways. Did I mention women? Scroll down
to view more examples of my libertine libido in action:

As you can see, I never got the memo about political correctness.

When I'm not busy going rogue... I'm a loose cannon.  

I smoke nasty cigars.....

I consume mass quantities of alcohol. I have even been known

to jaywalk on occasion... and these are my good qualities.

Gotta love me... or not.

Be that as it may, I am the most loyal

friend you'll ever find, and trust me,

you don't want me as an enemy.

Recently Shady Del Knight hired me to

spice up his Bandstands in Foreign Lands

series. My first order of business was to

raid the archives and seize the clips of

dancing damsels on Top Of The Pops.

You see, I am absolutely ob-SESSED

with attractive women, especially

when they are whirling and twirling

and jiggling and gyrating on stage.

Which brings me to the point of this post. Effective immediately I'll be hosting

Letch Dance, a new Shady's Place feature that shines the spotlight on the lovely
ladies of Pan's People, Ruby Flipper and Legs & Co, the happy hoofers who
appeared on Top Of The Pops from 1968 through 1981. Letch Dance is
a blog series that thinks it's a radio show. Big fun is literally waiting
in the wings, but first allow me to deliver my opening statement.

PAN'S PEOPLE (JULY 1968 TO APRIL 1976)

Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, over the years these young women

have been looked down upon by certain segments of society. Essentially they

have been tried and convicted in the court of public opinion. I say don't

hate them just because they're beautiful and graceful on their feet.
I say don't judge them just because they chose to make a few
extra pounds sterling shaking their booties on TV.

I can cite precedent. In a landmark
decision in 1956, Supreme Court
Justice Richard Penniman wrote
the following opinion, and I quote:

The girl can't help it if she was born to please

She can't help it, the girl can't help it

And if she's got a figure made to squeeze

She can't help it, the girl can't help it

Now I'm not about to subject you to the same old tired song and dance routine.

These bopping, Bunny Hopping Brit birds are fresh faced, vivacious and exciting.

LEGS & CO (NOVEMBER 1976 TO OCTOBER 1981)

For years they helped make Top Of The Pops the toast of the town,
and they made a little bread in the process. I'm on a roll... so without
further ado... letch the music play and letch the dancing begin!

CLICK TO START THE VIDEO NOW!

Here's the ideal music bed for a fan-made tribute to the classy lassies
of Pan's People and Legs & Co. It's "Hot Legs," a rowdy song from

Rod Stewart's 1977 album Foot Loose & Fancy Free. Have at it!

"Hot Legs" - Rod Stewart
(Mar./Apr. 1978, highest chart pos. #25 Cash Box/#28 Hot 100,

fan tribute to Pan's People and Legs & Co on Top Of The Pops)

RUBY FLIPPER (MAY TO OCTOBER 1976)

Now let's give Ruby Flipper some sugar and watch them perform. 

Remember, if the Ruby Flipper doesn't fit... you must acquit.

Ask me what I'm thinking as the girls get their kicks to

this hit tune by Walter Murphy, and I'll plead the fifth!

"A Fifth Of Beethoven" - Walter Murphy & the Big Apple Band

(Aug thru Oct. 1976, highest chart pos. #1 Hot 100 & Cash Box,

dance perf. by Ruby Flipper on Top Of The Pops)

I hope you enjoyed this sneak preview

of my new blog series that thinks

it's a radio show. The evidence

presented proves beyond a shadow

that Pan's People, Ruby Flipper

 and Legs & Co... troupers one

and all, are highly skilled in the

art of terpsichore, and they

aren't bad at dancing either.

BA-DUM-BUMP)

I'm Alan Shore bidding you farewell. I promise

there'll be much more music and merriment

when I make my next appearance

at Shady's Place and cry:

Letch Dance! 

CLICK TO START THE VIDEO NOW!

To play us off, here again are Pan's People

with a second Halloween treat, a different

version of their "Monster Mash" routine.

Bye bye!

"Monster Mash" - Bobby "Boris" Pickett And The Crypt-Kickers

(ver. 1 promo of dance perf. by Pan's People on

Sept. 13, 1973, ep. of Top Of The Pops)