Tom Anderson with you today as we mark another
important date on the Shady Dell calendar - the
two year anniversary of the death of our dear,
much loved old friend Margaret Schneider.
At this time, it is an honor to welcome
back Margaret's dedicated daughter,
my great friend, author and guest
blogger, Kathleen Mae Schneider.
Good Grief
by Kathleen
Mae Schneider
"Don't cry because it's over,
smile because it happened."
~ Dr. Suess
While walking
this morning
I saw so much that reminded me of
my mother. Many signs of young life
were everywhere, but I especially
noticed flowers like these pansies
in her favorite color. "She would
have loved these", I said to myself,
with eyes beginning to sting.
my mother. Many signs of young life
were everywhere, but I especially
noticed flowers like these pansies
in her favorite color. "She would
have loved these", I said to myself,
with eyes beginning to sting.
However, instead of feeling sad on this second anniversary of her death, I'm determined
to honor her memory in a way I know she would like - by emulating her. Like all good
teachers, she taught by example. She had developed a skill set for getting through
the many rough patches of her life and found ways to heal and go on. They are
now a road map for finding my own way through the darkness.
the many rough patches of her life and found ways to heal and go on. They are
now a road map for finding my own way through the darkness.
- "Bloom where you are planted."
Many people travel to distant places to avoid the inevitable painful reminders
of loved ones who died. Mother's comfort however, was found in the opposite.
Mother made this cross stitch design on linen when she was a newlywed, and it hung
on the wall next to the bed where she took her last peaceful breath. She loved the
house my father built, and repeatedly thanked us for allowing her to stay there.
- "Keep busy and work hard.
Get outside in nature to forget your troubles."
Get outside in nature to forget your troubles."
Mother said to not give yourself time to be sad. Find something
productive to do and feel "a good kind of tired" at the end of the day.
productive to do and feel "a good kind of tired" at the end of the day.
(above) The old sycamore's giant fallen leaves had just met their match!
We called her our Lawn Ranger.
Mother loved mowing her
grass - even at age 96.
grass - even at age 96.
Tiring work
+ sunshine
+ sunshine
+ fresh air
= antidote
for tears!
= antidote
for tears!
- "Find something to do to help others."
Mother was a gifted seamstress, and she loved saving her family money by
making or mending clothing for them, rather than always having to buy new.
"I want to be useful", she said, and she was!
- "Remember,
but don't dwell
on the past."
but don't dwell
on the past."
In the autumn of her 100th year,
Mother unexpectedly asked me
to take her to the Shady Dell.
She looked around silently at first,
surely revisiting scenes in her
mind. Soon, however, the old
stories of playing there as a
little girl bubbled to the
surface. After a short time,
mind. Soon, however, the old
stories of playing there as a
little girl bubbled to the
surface. After a short time,
she turned toward the car, and
without a backward glance said,
"Let's go home now". Smiling mischievously, she looked at
me and said, "I'm hungry."
No dwelling, right?
It would be her last visit
to her childhood home.
- "Be grateful for what you had,
and still have, in your life."
(above) My father gave this finely woven metallic purse to Mother during their 6-year
courtship. She treasured it because it symbolized one of the happiest times of her life.
courtship. She treasured it because it symbolized one of the happiest times of her life.
(above) My son Christopher and daughter Elisabeth wish their Grammy
a happy 90th birthday. Mother's family meant the world to her!
- "Laugh and have fun,
for goodness sakes!"
Mother amazingly hit a hole-in-one and won a free game on her 95th birthday at
a nearby miniature golf course. Although at her age she never left her house alone,
we jokingly accused her of sneaking in a practice round when we weren't there!
- "Count your blessings.
Expect more to come."
Mother put on her "health" (makeup) and perfume every morning, saying,
"You never know who might drop in. They always want to give me hugs."
She was right!
When Elisabeth returned
after two years of teaching
English in Japan, her sur-
prised grandmother was
prepared for her hugs.
- "Have faith and know
God is taking care of you."
God is taking care of you."
Unwavering in her spiritual beliefs, she said we are never, ever alone.
"He's always with you", she told me to remember when I'm sad.
This verse from a favorite Lucille Clifton poem describes my mother:
"Some angels have no wings.
They come to you wearing their own clothes.
They have learned to love you
And will keep coming,
Unless you insist on wings."
My dear Mama, I know that to you, death is only
a serious change of address, but I shall still always
miss you. Your voice, and the love we shared,
a serious change of address, but I shall still always
miss you. Your voice, and the love we shared,
will light my path through the darkness.
Looking back, and still regularly feeling your presence,
I think you were, and are, an angel. (No wings though!)
