Good Grief

Tom Anderson with you today as we mark another

important date on the Shady Dell calendar - the

two year anniversary of the death of our dear,

much loved old friend Margaret Schneider.

At this time, it is an honor to welcome

back Margaret's dedicated daughter,

my great friend, author and guest

blogger, Kathleen Mae Schneider.

Good Grief

by Kathleen

Mae Schneider

"Don't cry because it's over,

smile because it happened."

~ Dr. Suess

While walking

this morning

I saw so much that reminded me of
my mother. Many signs of young life
were everywhere, but I especially
noticed flowers like these pansies
in her favorite color. "She would
have loved these", I said to myself,
with eyes beginning to sting.

However, instead of feeling sad on this second anniversary of her death, I'm determined

to honor her memory in a way I know she would like - by emulating her. Like all good

teachers, she taught by example. She had developed a skill set for getting through
the many rough patches of her life and found ways to heal and go on. They are
now a road map for finding my own way through the darkness.

- "Bloom where you are planted."

Many people travel to distant places to avoid the inevitable painful reminders

of loved ones who died. Mother's comfort however, was found in the opposite.

Mother made this cross stitch design on linen when she was a newlywed, and it hung

on the wall next to the bed where she took her last peaceful breath. She loved the

house my father built, and repeatedly thanked us for allowing her to stay there.

- "Keep busy and work hard.
Get outside in nature to forget your troubles."

Mother said to not give yourself time to be sad. Find something
productive to do and feel "a good kind of tired" at the end of the day.

(above) The old sycamore's giant fallen leaves had just met their match!

We called her our Lawn Ranger.

Mother loved mowing her
grass - even at age 96.

Tiring work
+ sunshine

+ fresh air
= antidote
for tears!

- "Find something to do to help others."

Mother was a gifted seamstress, and she loved saving her family money by

making or mending clothing for them, rather than always having to buy new.

"I want to be useful", she said, and she was!

- "Remember,
but don't dwell
on the past."

In the autumn of her 100th year,

Mother unexpectedly asked me

to take her to the Shady Dell.

She looked around silently at first,

surely revisiting scenes in her
mind. Soon, however, the old
stories of playing there as a
little girl bubbled to the
surface. After a short time,

she turned toward the car, and

without a backward glance said,

"Let's go home now". Smiling mischievously, she looked at

me and said, "I'm hungry."

No dwelling, right?

It would be her last visit

to her childhood home.

- "Be grateful for what you had,

and still have, in your life."

(above) My father gave this finely woven metallic purse to Mother during their 6-year
courtship. She treasured it because it symbolized one of the happiest times of her life.

(above) My son Christopher and daughter Elisabeth wish their Grammy

a happy 90th birthday. Mother's family meant the world to her!

- "Laugh and have fun,

for goodness sakes!"

Mother amazingly hit a hole-in-one and won a free game on her 95th birthday at

a nearby miniature golf course. Although at her age she never left her house alone,

we jokingly accused her of sneaking in a practice round when we weren't there!

- "Count your blessings.

Expect more to come."

Mother put on her "health" (makeup) and perfume every morning, saying,

"You never know who might drop in. They always want to give me hugs."

She was right!

When Elisabeth returned

after two years of teaching

English in Japan, her sur-

prised grandmother was

prepared for her hugs.

- "Have faith and know
God is taking care of you."

Unwavering in her spiritual beliefs, she said we are never, ever alone.

"He's always with you", she told me to remember when I'm sad.

This verse from a favorite Lucille Clifton poem describes my mother:

  "Some angels have no wings.

They come to you wearing their own clothes.

They have learned to love you

And will keep coming,

Unless you insist on wings."

My dear Mama, I know that to you, death is only
a serious change of address, but I shall still always
miss you. Your voice, and the love we shared,

will light my path through the darkness.

Looking back, and still regularly feeling your presence,

I think you were, and are, an angel. (No wings though!)

An Amazing Life - A Daughter's Birthday Tribute to Her Mother

Tom Anderson with you today to welcome back

my very dear friend Kathleen Mae Schneider.

Kathleen is here to remind us that this is a

special day on the Shady Dell calendar.

It's time for us to remember and honor

her mother Margaret Schneider on the

anniversary of her birth. In her later

life Margaret became a celebrity on

Shady Dell Music & Memories and

earned the nickname "The Oldest

Living Dell Rat." Margaret's father

built the Shady Dell in the early part

of the 20th century and Margaret and

her family were the the first people

to reside at the estate. Now, here's

Kathleen with this year's birthday

tribute to her mother Margaret.  

An Amazing Life

A Daughter's

Birthday Tribute

to Her Mother

by Kathleen

Mae Schneider

"Life is not measured by the number of

breaths we take, but by the moments

that take our breath away."

- Maya Angelou

Pointing to the collaged "104" on the wall

above Mother's chair a few months before

her last birthday, a neighbor chuckled, "Wow,

it won't be long before we see "105" up here!

What's your secret, Margaret? How come

you've lived so long?" Mother flashed a

look across the room to me and replied,

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe God's just

keeping me going to pester my kids".

It was true that we "kids" (retirees all!)

had been through much with her those

last six years. However, instead of feeling

"pestered", I felt truly blessed to be one

of this sweet woman's caregivers.

In honor of the anniversary of Mother's birth 107 years ago on this day,

I want to share just a few of her pictures and memories that she gave me

during that time she referred to as "borrowed". We had many both

poignant and happy sessions as we looked at these photographs

together. Because she remained in sound mind and strong

spirit, she often had stories to go with them.

MARGARET SCHNEIDER'S BIRTHPLACE

This unassuming house where Mother was born on April 18, 1912, still stands

right along the main street in Violet Hill, York County, PA., at the base of the hill

where the Shady Dell is located. My grandparents operated a small general store

on the first floor at the time of her birth. Since the house has since been divided

into apartments, it looks vastly different than when the Brown family lived there.

MARGARET (FRONT ROW, FAR RT.) AND HER SIBLINGS

AND COUSIN ON THE SHADY DELL PORCH

The picture above was taken around 1914, and Mother's personality already shines

forth as a happy and contented two-year-old. She sits on her older sister's lap

along with the newest Brown family's baby, Mildred. Some of her siblings

and a decidedly un-photogenic cousin also pose for the camera. Mother

would have moved with her large family into the newly-built Shady

Dell house probably the year before, in 1913.

RECIPE FOR LONGEVITY?

Mother credited her father's homemade cough medicine for her survival at age

six from the world's first pandemic, the Spanish Influenza of 1918. Note the

list of ingredients contains turpentine - making true in Mother's case

"That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

(BELOW)
Nine-year-old Margaret Brown stands for her 1921 Violet Hill School
group portrait, smiling sweetly among the very classmates who cruelly
bullied her because of her father's less-than-savory reputation.
The teachers don't appear much better.

Mother's ever-present large dark bow identifies her, standing to the left of the very tall

girl with a dark sweater in the 5th row. "At least SHE was nice to me," Mother said.

Mother's shy younger sister, Mildred, with delicate features and also wearing a

large hair bow, stands in the 4th row, second from the left. Ethel, the eldest of

the Brown sisters in the picture, is 6th from the left in the next to last row,

looking none-too-happy about having her picture taken. I wonder

whether the two older girls to her left with the cocked heads and

formidable come-hither expressions were her friends or rivals!

The "Daughters of the Dell" (the Brown sisters)

can be seen better at right in this detail cropped

from the group shot. Mildred is in the first row,

far left. Margaret is in the second row, far right.

Ethel is in the back row, second from right.

Mother was fourteen and rapidly growing
into a beautiful young woman when
this picture of her was taken with
her dog named "Tiny", in Florida.

The Brown family ended up in a
"tourist" camp in Miami after losing
their Shady Dell home to bankruptcy.
The picture shows Mother next to one
of the small wooden cabins built by
the locals to contain new arrivals.
They replaced the temporary tents
belonging to the surge of "Tin Can"
migrants who poured into the
Miami community, seeking a
better life during the 1920s'
Florida homesteading boom.

The name of the group comes from the 5-gallon tin cans of fuel stowed on
early automobiles because there were few "filling stations" to service them.
Once there, my grandparents, like some of the other migrants, discovered
that the long distance "deeds" they had bought were to land that either
didn't exist or were just swamps with snakes and alligators.
The Browns didn't even stay a year!

In this picture Mother is
Sweet Sixteen! Her father
died soon after returning North.
Her mother and some of her
siblings dispersed to other cities,
but Margaret decided to stay in
York, where she lived with an
older brother and his wife, and
got a job in a sewing factory
that made coats.

Here Mother is held in my father's

arms. She met Ralph Schneider,

the love of her life, when she was

16 and he was 23. They dated for

six years before they married,

often taking excursions to the

beach with Mother's many

siblings and their families.

BATHING BEAUTIES

In the picture above, Mother, standing second from the right, poses with sisters
and members of her extended family at Bay Shore, NJ. Victorian covered-up
beach fashion was now obviously passé, judging by the women's swim suits
that left nothing to the imagination! Hubba, hubba....!!

I laughed when I found this

unsigned "Heart Trouble"

postcard from the nineteen-

twenties in Mother's attic.

If asked to visualize "Washington, D.C.", "women" and "wall"

at the same time, one probably would never imagine this:

THE CHARLESTON

Mother told me that when she and my father dated they regularly danced
"the Charleston" which was all the rage at the time. I found this picture online
while researching it. Apparently the gentleman on this picture is a senator
from Charleston, South Carolina, and he and the young ladies on the wall
demonstrate the proper groove needed for the dance by the same name.

On March 30, 1934, my mother

and father, Mr. and Mrs. Ralph

N. Schneider, posed after their

marriage in Harrisburg, PA.

They had no honeymoon

because this was during

the Great Depression and

they had to go to work

the next day!

Within a few years, the Schneider

family included two children:

James Ralph and Betty Jane.

The picture at left was taken

February 18, 1947, two years

after Mother miraculously

survived a near-death bout

with typhoid fever. Doctors

claimed the illness left her

unable to have any more

children, but in this picture,

Margaret triumphantly holds

her youngest child, one-and-

a-half-month-old Kathleen Mae.

10-year-old Betty, on the right,

was happy to have a little sister,

but 12-year-old Jim, mugging

for the camera, not so much.

He wanted a brother!

The years went by, we three

grew up and gave Mother 6

grandchildren and 5 great-

grandchildren, who continued

to be sources of joy for her

after my father died in 1980.

Fast forward to this picture of the same four of us taken a few years ago -

a true role reversal if ever there was one. Here is Margaret with her

"kids"/caregivers. Do we look like we're being pestered?

MAMA AND ME

Happy Birthday, dear Mama! Thank you for your strength and long life,

and the 72 birthdays you were by my side. I will carry your wonderful

stories and caring ways in my heart as long as I live. As you taught
me, I will share them like all good things that come my way,
especially here where Tom has given me the space to do so.

I love you more than words can express.

In-Dell-ible Memories - Introduction: An Inkwell and an Inkling

Tom Anderson with you today to welcome back

my very dear friend Kathleen Mae Schneider.

Over a seven year period, readers of my old

blog Shady Dell Music & Memories came to

know Kathleen and her mother Margaret

through chapters of Kathleen's exclusive

series In-Dell-ible Memories recalling the

life and times of Margaret Schneider and

her family as the first residents of the

Shady Dell early in the 20th century.

Today Kathleen joins us for the reboot

of her series here at Shady's Place,

bringing us new stories and rare,

never before published pictures!

In-Dell-ible Memories

Introduction:

An Inkwell and an Inkling

by Kathleen Mae Schneider

Sometimes objects in our life

take on a different purpose than originally intended.

Take, for instance, an antique inkwell that I'd

always used as a kind of funky paperweight.

(below) Ink stains on the

damaged top bear witness to the past.

Picking it up absentmindedly, I thought

it ironic that this humble object sitting

next to my computer was separated

from it by more than a century of

history and technology. It served

much the same purpose as a

writing implement in its time 

as the sleekly- designed

IMac does in mine.

My dear Mother gave the inkwell

to me many years ago and said

it once belonged to her father,

George Andrew Brown. So it

was easy to imagine him dipping

a pen into its top, tapping it lightly

to remove the excess black ink

and carefully writing down

the name of his twelfth child. 

I immediately took out the heavy family Bible that Mother
also gave me and opened it to a beginning page designated
"Births". There it was, near the bottom of the list.

I can almost hear the light scratching sound of a pen as it recorded

"Margaret Elizabeth Brown, April 18, A.D, 1912".

My grandfather was nearly running out of space! Four of his children had already
died in infancy, so he probably wondered about the chances this baby had of
surviving. Of course writing her name and birthdate, he never could have
imagined that he would save this tiny new daughter's life a few years
hence, and she would go on to outlive all of her immediate family.

He also would never live long enough to meet her three children.
Of particular interest here, I wonder what he would think of one
of his granddaughters (me), whose curiosity about his life and
times would result in her sharing it with the world!

At these musings, the old inkwell took on an almost eerie significance.
It seemed especially heavy, not only from its thick glass. It also held
all the memories and stories Mother told me about the place where it
originally sat - on another desk at the first home she remembered.
It became a portal to that magical place that later
became known as The Shady Dell.

(at left)

After a rain shower, this misty,

almost ghostly view of the Dell

reminds me of my grandfather,

who would have looked out of

this first floor bay window

from his office within and
greeted business associates
at the door.

Urgent to record my family history

while Mother, nearly 100 years old,

could amazingly still describe her

youth in great detail, I tried to

impress upon her the importance

of writing down her recollections.

I thought it odd that, initially, she

stubbornly resisted my efforts to

document her memories. For some

reason, she didn't want to revisit

The Shady Dell in her mind.

(right) Mother's eyes say it all.

She had reasons for her silence.

After my repeat pestering (her description),

she finally told me two reasons for her

reluctance. "Not dwelling on" her girl-

hood was a main reason she had lived

so long. She had truly "moved on".

The retelling of her past wouldn't

just make her vulnerable to

renewed grief, shame and fear.

It also could be harmful to those

she loved and would break an

elemental rule by which she lived.

I now cried at my naivety. As one of the only people left who

knew the darker side of the Shady Dell, she had to protect

her long-gone family's reputation, and that of its

living descendants - including me!

Already knowing by heart her happy, almost idyllic accounts of her first
ten years, I gently but persistently tried to convince her to reveal the
whole story. What was so bad that she had to forget and bury it?
What she eventually told me was only the proverbial tip
of the iceberg. No wonder she was still scared!

Enter Tom's wonderful work that honored Mother's life online
after he found me clumsily poking around on his first blog searching
for supplemental information about my ancestral birthplace. It was
the singular impetus that caused her to change her tune.

"How did my baby picture get on this thing?"

Seeing herself on the "inner-net", as she called it, and realizing how many

new and understanding friends she made on Shady Dell Music & Memories,

Mother was convinced by my reassurance that no harm would be done to

repeat her narratives - both good and bad - to all who would listen.

Mother at 104, with my daughter Elisabeth. "Were you ever

naughty when you were a little girl, Grammy?"

Answer: "Sometimes - I guess..."

Mother willingly identified and told me all she remembered about the people posing
so seriously on this fascinating group portrait of her family that hung in her hallway.

Behold - the very first Dell Rats - my ancestors!

Those conversations with my mother, first cousins (one of whom remains the last
Brown child born at the Dell house), and trips to the York County archives yielded
even more tantalizing clues. In Mother's attic, a veritable goldmine of old letters
and more photos turned up - all ripe for storytelling.

Here's a favorite (below). Taken long after Mother left the Shady Dell,
she said "the Dell never left her". This surprising picture hints at the
influence of her sisters and mother. Apparently Margaret Elizabeth
Brown was not always the shy, demure and extremely modest
woman I always knew her to be!

18-year-old Mother, posing for a photo she sent to my father when

he was out of town for the summer. When I asked her if it wasn't

risqué for the time, she said, "I didn't want him to forget me".

It's amazing how many of the issues affecting Mother's early time at the Dell

continue into 2018. Wars, religion, terrorism, new technology, fortunes built

and destroyed, racism, murder, sexual abuse of children, and the beginning

of #metoo are all there, embedded in her stories, along with many others

that we see on the front page of the morning newspaper. There are also

wonderfully comedic, tender and loving episodes to be recounted

that hold out hope to all of us.

So here it is in a nutshell:

The Shady Dell was my grandparents' idea and life's dream, sadly only
lasting a little over a decade. Years later, the Ettlines' transformed it into
the haven for teenagers venerated by Tom and thousands of others.

George Brown's barn/garage anchored the dance hall addition where
the soundtracks to Tom's youth that he often highlights here on
Shady's Place were played. Innumerable friendships and
young romances bloomed in the same spot where
my mother played as a child.

 A portrait of Mother and me - our last.

My series that begins today

resulted from a blessed

combination. It was my

extreme good fortune to

meet and be given the

opportunity to collaborate

with Tom, after capturing

Mother's Shady Dell stories

as I cared for her during

her last days on earth.

The planets aligned,

and the three of us

created a time capsule!

So you see for me, the Shady Dell is not just the subject

of an entertaining blog, it's literally part of me!

"Time passages"....

I hope you will join us as we delve into my Mother's In-Dell-ible Memories

and how the Shady Dell was born in Chapter One - Carpé Diem.