Lock up your wife, Wilbur.
Ground your daughter, Gertrude.
I'm back! HEH! HEH! HEH!
I'm Lumpy Clarence Rutherford.
When I was a kid, I promised Daddy
I'd make something of myself and I did.
Today, people all over the world
recognize me as a symbol of success.
I'm CEO of three companies, live in a
mansion in Beverly Hills, own a private
villa on the French Riviera, a yacht and
a fleet of Rolls-Royces. Now I know what
you're thinking. You're asking yourself,
"How did Lumpy Clarence do it, and how
can I get my share of the good life?"
The answer is simple. Not only did
I ditch class to work on my jalopy,
I quit school altogether because
they weren't teaching me the things
I needed to learn to get rich quick.
"Hot Rod High" - The Hondells
(Oct. 1964, B side of "Little Honda")
Together with my
buddy Eddie...uh
...my associate
Edward Haskell...
I founded a
program called
Head Strong -
Turning Sheer
Ignorance Into
Dynamic, Life-
Changing Personal
Power Without
Trying Real Hard.
School's for losers, Sam.
If you're tired of gettin'
pushed around by teachers
and doin' time in detention, check out our cool online training academy instead.
Pretty soon you'll be
movin' on up and
finally gettin' a
piece of the pie.
"Carrie Anne" - The Hollies
(July/Aug. 1967, highest chart pos. #9 Hot 100/#10 Cash Box,
perf. on The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, Nov. 17, 1967)
At Head Strong Academy... we'll
teach you the secrets to attaining
awesome wealth in a jiffy.
That's right, Mildred. Learn our
amazing fast fortune techniques
in your spare time right there in
the comfort of your home while you
drink beer and eat Froot Loops.
amazing fast fortune techniques
in your spare time right there in
the comfort of your home while you
drink beer and eat Froot Loops.
HEH! HEH! HEH!
"The New Girl In School" - Jan and Dean
(Mar./Apr. 1964, highest chart pos. #26 Cash Box/#37 Hot 100)
Our Head Strong grads go places.
When you send in your modest
enrollment fee of $1,499.95
you will unlock the door
to your future.
The future's
so bright...
you gotta wear shades, Clyde.
HEH! HEH! HEH!
"Swingin' School"
- Bobby Rydell
(May/June 1960,
highest chart pos.
#5 Hot 100/#6 C.B.)
Bored of education? Tired of tests?
Sick of school? The Head Strong
program is the cure you've
been looking for.
Enroll in the next 30 minutes
and receive absolutely free an
autographed copy of my new book
My Way Highway -
Your Road to Riches!
"Bad Boy" - Larry Williams cover by The Beatles
(from June 1965 album Beatles VI)
The Head Strong program:
I'm not only the president...
I'm also a client!
Hurry and call now.
Operators are standing by.
Or check us out online at
There's no obligation, no salesman will
call, and there are no medical questions
to answer. Best of all, you can't be
turned down for any reason.
Unless you can't
pay your tuition.
HEH! HEH! HEH!
"Wonderful World"
- Herman's Hermits
(June/July 1965, highest
chart pos. #4 Hot 100,
#5 Cash Box, perf. at
NME Poll Winners'
Concert - UK)
Take the free tour of our virtual campus
and read the testimonials from millions
satisfied
Do what they did. Pass through the
ivy covered gates of our online
institute of higher learning and
start living large. Hurry, new
ivy covered gates of our online
institute of higher learning and
start living large. Hurry, new
classes are starting soon!
Can't wait to
matriculate?
Just don't
let your mama
catch you!
HEH! HEH! HEH!
So you don't forget, log on now
and unlock your future...
...and the
door to that
candy apple
red Lambo
you've had
your eye on.
HEH! HEH! HEH!
And remember our slogan...
"A mind is a terrible thing..."
HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!
