Orange You Glad This Lime is Not a Lemon?

PLEASE WATCH THIS TRAILER.

THEN WE'LL TALK.

Hi, I'm Joyce Martin....

I'm the good girl breaking bad in the

Academy Award winning motion picture

High School Hellcats!

It's not easy being the new girl in school.

At first I felt all alone and insecure.

But then I was approached by Connie, leader of

The Hellcats, the mean girl gang that rules

the school and controls the social scene.

What a great bunch of gals, those Hellcats!
Their hobbies include sassing the teacher...

smoking cigarettes in school...

and I mean anywhere and everywhere - 

not just in the little girls' room...

and of course, everybody's favorite pastime - 
knife-throwing.

I wanted to fit in, so I considered joining
The Hellcats, but there were two problems.

First, Hellcats do not allow their members
to get good grades. My folks would kill me
if I let my GPA slip. Secondly, I can't date
any guy that isn't approved by Connie
and her posse. That made me hesitate
because I am used to playing the field.

For example, before I arrived at Hellcat High, I was involved
with rock 'n' roll star Eddie Cochran who appeared with me in
the juvie delinquent movie Untamed Youth. Eddie also played
guitar on a record I made called "Ting-A-Ling Telephone."

"Ting-A-Ling Telephone" - Yvonne Lime
feat. Eddie Cochran (1957, unreleased)

My next fella

was "Little Joe"

Cartwright...

(Michael Landon)
of Bonanza fame.
 Everything was

fine at first...

Unfortunately...

Little Joe
turned out

to be a wolf.

I even met, worked with and dated Elvis Presley.

As you can see,

I've got the pics

to prove it.

Elvis and I had

chemistry, but it

didn't work out.

His heart belonged to another woman...

...his mom!

Then there was Tim Considine who played Spin Evans on
Spin and Marty, Frank Hardy on The Hardy Boys and
Mike on My Three Sons. We were "just friends."

After that I went to a dance
with teenage idol Ricky Nelson
on his family's television series
Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet.

In the following film clip you can

see shots of me smiling in the

audience as I watch Ricky

perform his top 10 hit

"I Got A Feeling."

"I Got A Feeling" - Ricky Nelson

(Oct./Nov. 1958, highest chart pos.

#10 Hot 100/#15 Cash Box, scene from

Oct. 29, 1958 ep. of The Adventures

of Ozzie And Harriet)

It was ditto with Rick. We parted "just friends." So, as you

can see, I haven't exactly been lucky in love - far from it!

Even so I value my freedom
and I was wary of making a
commitment to The Hellcats.

That's when Connie and the
Cats lured me to a dark,
creepy old abandoned
movie theater on the
poor side of town
and started to apply
big time peer pressure.

Listen up, cupcake.
Me and the other girls
talked it over and we
think you might have

the right stuff to be a
Hellcat. Make up your
mind. Are you in or out?

Just remember one thing,
If you don't belong, you
are nothing and nobody, and you'll find life at

school pretty rough.

I'm sorry I kept you and the other
girls waiting, Connie. I want to
be a Hellcat, I really do. In fact
I've already started honing my
mean girl skills. Why, you'll be
very happy to know that...
just this morning at school,
when no one was looking...
I threw caution to the wind
and sniffed copier ink. Then
I snuck behind the gym
and chewed bubblegum -
the proven gateway to
reefer madness.

Determined to have a social life, I gave up dating famous
actors and rock stars and settled for local soda jerk
Mike Landers, but that was a real disaster.

Mike said The Hellcats are bad news and warned me
to stay away from them. I didn't like him telling me
what to do and we argued about it all the time.

When Connie found out I was dating Mike without her
permission, she sent her goon squad to beat him up.

I felt really bad about what happened to Mike...

but there was a silver lining. It brought us closer.

Oh... hi, Connie! No, I'm not having second thoughts.

What's that? I'm invited to an all night gang initiation 

slumber party at the dark, creepy abandoned theater?

Sounds neato, and thanks for the invite, but I'm

afraid I can't make it. My folks caught me

reading the Kinsey Reports and I'm

grounded until my wedding day.

Yeah, I know - bummer! Hey Connie, I don't mean to be rude,

but I gotta hang up now. My great grandmother in Siberia
is real sick...yeah, that's the ticket...and my folks will kill
me if I don't keep the line free in case we get "the call."
I'll catch you Monday morning at school, okay? Bye-bye.

If you eavesdropped on

my convo with Connie

just now, you might have

sensed that I was fibbing.

You see, I didn't want her to

know about a school project

I am secretly working on

to earn extra credit and

bring up my grade.

My music history teacher, Shady Del Knight, has agreed to be
my private tutor. He gave me a special assignment that will
enable me to pass his course. Starting next year, Professor
Shady will be giving me the chance to host a new series

at Shady's Place. I asked him what Shady's Place is and
where it's located. He told me it's the name of his blog
and that I can use a computer to find it on the internet.
Shady wrote down the address: tctgyb.blogspot.com.

That's all I can tell you right now because Shady
wants to keep details under wraps until next year.

Imagine me, Joyce Martin, having my very own series!

I was so excited, I wanted to run home, tell my

parents and make them proud.

But then it dawned on me that this is 1958, and I have

no clue what a blog is, or a computer or the internet

for that matter, and our little town has a Main Street

and a other avenues and boulevards, but no

address like tctgyb.blogspot.com.

I went back to the classroom and asked Professor Shady
to explain. He told me to get on my lap top and search the
web. First of all, the web sounds icky, buggy and spidery.
Secondly, for me to "get on my lap top" I'd need to be a
contortionist. I suppose I'll catch on as time goes by.

So please join me next year for the
premiere of my series at Shady's Place

(whatever and wherever that may be).

Happy birthday to one of my favorite actresses...

Y V O N N E   L I M E

85 years young today!