I want to thank Kathleen Mae Schneider
for hosting Shady's Place in my absence.
As some of you already know, I have been
away from blogging since Thursday, Nov. 8,
to join family members in keeping a bedside
vigil. As it was a year ago when our son's
wife died unexpectedly, we are currently
mourning the sudden loss of another
close family member.
Two weeks ago Mrs. Shady's sister,
May Lynn, was declared terminally
ill and taken to a hospice facility.
After a valiant battle that went on
days longer than doctors predicted,
May Lynn passed away in peace.
The long, emotionally draining days and nights spent at the hospice
watching and waiting, gave me plenty of time to think, to reflect
and to meditate. On day one I stepped out of May's room
and noticed the sign on a door directly across the hall.
watching and waiting, gave me plenty of time to think, to reflect
and to meditate. On day one I stepped out of May's room
and noticed the sign on a door directly across the hall.
The sign forbade visitors from entering
the area on the other side because it
was restricted to "employees only."
Curious, I peeked through the small
window on the door searching for
clues as to why I was not permitted
to enter. I expected to see medical
equipment or hospice staff at work,
but all I saw on the other side of
the door was an empty corridor.
Three days later, as I walked around exploring the facility to pass the time,
I decided to try a hallway that I had not yet bothered to traverse. Curious
to find out where the hall led, I strolled until it came to an end, my
progress blocked by a door with a sign identical to the one that
had caught my attention the first day.
Blocking out the scenery,
breaking my mind.
Do this! Don't do that!
Do this! Don't do that!
Can't you read the signs?
Still curious, I decided to peek through the tiny window on the door.
There before me, only a few feet away, was my family gathered
around May's bed. Turns out I had walked all the way around
the building only to arrive at the spot on the other side of
the door across from May's room, the mysterious
corridor that I had gazed upon the first day.
I was standing in the very same space,
in a public hallway... that the sign
warned was off limits to visitors!
I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
In closing would like to share with you the two most poignant
moments of the ordeal, an image and a song that are now
permanently ingrained in my mind, linked to the events
of this past week. As May lay dying, her daughter
brought her kindergarten age son to the hospice
to see his grandmother one last time and to
say goodbye. The African-American boy
brought with him a hand written note
that read, "I love you, Granny!"
He placed his note in May's hand
and enclosed her fingers around it
for safe keeping. The sight of a little
black boy sharing love with his white
grandmother in her final hours was
inspiring. It gave me hope.
Love knows no race. Love knows no color.
The family was so touched by the boy's gesture
that they decided his note should go along with May
into eternity. His message was still clenched in her
hand as she was taken away for cremation.
Why are we here?
What is our reason for living
if not to love?
May Lynn's favorite artist was Rod Stewart. As May, only 58 years old,
clung to life in her hospice bed, her daughter played for her a medley
of Rod's hits. Everyone in the room wept when this one came on,
a song that says it all-- "Forever Young."
clung to life in her hospice bed, her daughter played for her a medley
of Rod's hits. Everyone in the room wept when this one came on,
a song that says it all-- "Forever Young."
My blogging hiatus needs to continue a while longer. Mrs. Shady's brother,
a 60 year old special needs retarded man with the mental capacity of
a five year old, is flying in from California to stay with us nine days.
We will need to break the news to him that his sister is gone. Surely
it will result in yet another emotionally wrenching scene. In the
days ahead the family plans to grant May's deathbed wish and
scatter her ashes at her favorite beach on the Atlantic coast.
Naturally Mrs. Shady and I will be making the trip across
the peninsula to attend that memorial ceremony. I will
return to full time blogging as soon as circumstances
permit. Thank you, dear friend, for understanding
the important reason for my continued absence.
a 60 year old special needs retarded man with the mental capacity of
a five year old, is flying in from California to stay with us nine days.
We will need to break the news to him that his sister is gone. Surely
it will result in yet another emotionally wrenching scene. In the
days ahead the family plans to grant May's deathbed wish and
scatter her ashes at her favorite beach on the Atlantic coast.
Naturally Mrs. Shady and I will be making the trip across
the peninsula to attend that memorial ceremony. I will
return to full time blogging as soon as circumstances
permit. Thank you, dear friend, for understanding
the important reason for my continued absence.
Lovely post, friend Shady. Thank you for sharing. Best wishes for you and your family. Always, cat.
ReplyDeleteHI Shady. This is a wonderful tribute to your sister in law, May. Children can be very passionate during sad times, can't they? And, it's true...love knows no race or color.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your family's loss with May's passing. And, even though you have a long road to travel, you and Mrs. Shady will face it with the strength you have already shown. I do hope you are able to get Mrs. Shady's brother through this painful event.
If not for our musical minds, we would surely be lost, dear friend, Shady. It's amazing how we can bring a song to mind that identifies with our situation and our feelings of a moment! I wonder if Rod Stewart knew that his "Forever Young" song would have such an impact on our lives-it is a wonderful song.
Thank you for coming by and sharing with us Shady. Keep that musical mind at work, take Mrs. Shady's arm, and lead the way! God Bless you and your family! ♥
You did the circle of life which brought you right back to your sister in law’s room...maybe she was guiding you?? She was one strong woman and you know what is strange? Right now I am watching Expedition Unknown and he is in search of the afterlife. He spoke to 5 people who experienced death but came back and they all had a tremendous sense of contentment and happiness. A doctor had many patients who were clinically dead but when they came back they could recite exactly what was being said and what was going on while they were dead. Whatever our beliefs, it is nice to think that they continue to be but we can’t see them. We do remember and that is what we need to keep close to our heart
ReplyDeleteWhat a poignant and heartfelt post, Shady. You and all your family remain in my prayers through these difficult days. Peace be with you.
ReplyDeleteWith tears in my eyes I'm writing this to say how sorry I am for you and Mrs. Shady at the passing of her sister May. I was extremely touched by the actions of that sweet little boy. Children can do the simple things that mean more than any eloquent speech made by the most educated clergy at times like this. May was surrounded by love and that's the most important thing in life. I love that Rod Stewart song. My Mom and sister made the trip out here to celebrate an early Thanksgiving with us. I sat and talked to Mom about many things. We had a few moments late one night as she tearfully said she knows she won't always be able to do trips like this and how much she misses me and is sad when we part. I was pleased we had this weekend with her and seeing her struggle more physically and also mentally is hard. But at 92 she does amazingly well also. So life has many ups and downs. Being a medical person I see that when I look at a heart beat on the monitor. I saw this analogy someplace that life goes up and down with the good highs and hard lows..(like a hearbeat)but if we are not living it's just a flat line. So we go on and hopefully look forward to the future, embrace our past, and enjoy the journey. We can be forever young in our hearts and I think you have that gift. I hope all goes well with this next part of the journey for you and Mrs. Shady and her brother. I'll keep you all in my prayers. Take care Tom
ReplyDeleteVery sorry to hear about all this. I doubt if it's much consolation, but you came up with a very clever post in dealing with it.
ReplyDeleteI read this sad and poignant post with tears in my eyes, Tom, with my heart heavy as it joined yours and your family's!
ReplyDeleteHaving just been to the memorial service of a good friend and former teaching colleague yesterday, and hearing everyone's tributes to her, you and Mother are right about love for others being the purpose of our brief time on earth.
Another friend held an end-of-life vigil for her mother-in-law, much as you did with May, and hearing about all three deaths, I vividly remembered that sacred time with my dear mother as she lay comatose, and peacefully passed from this world into another dimension.
Although loss manifests in different ways and under a variety of circumstances for each of us, I can say that for me, watching and waiting for the gradual end of Mother's beautiful earthly life was heart rending but at the same time a gift. It was a great blessing and honor to "walk her to the door" and to be with her speaking words of love and gratitude as she transitioned.
So much of life is metaphorical and the message in the Rod Stewart song certainly applies to May Lynn and my son Chris, who died when he was 28. It was so tragic to have them taken from us too soon. However, they will never know old age. As the song goes, "In our hearts they will remain forever young!"
The caring you and your family showed toward May Lynn, and that you discovered anew peering through the small window of the off limits area, conjures up a scene often repeated in many families as they keep vigil.
The compassion showed for Kathy's son in his grief, and May's grandson placing his note of love in his grandmother's hand were also very moving. The artificial divisions that we think exist between us disappear where real love steps in, especially through the action of an innocent child who's not yet learned the abomination that is hate.
The hallway incident is an eloquent metaphor. We wander down many paths of our choosing in life. Some bring success, some are certainly bad and teach us painful lessons. Others lead nowhere, and stop us in our tracks. In the end, we often find ourselves having traveled in a circle. It brings us to our starting point, and love is there to remind us of our potential for good, and often the chance to redirect our lives and start anew.
Although my knowledge of popular music is severely limited, two other songs have been going around in my head since I read your post. When I read your description of walking the hall, I hear Maxine Nightingale's lilting voice singing, "Love is good, love can be strong, We gotta get right back to where we started from."
Another favorite song of mine speaks to our better angels. It was sung by another gravelly-voiced artist, Joe Cocker, along with Jennifer Warnes: "Up Where We Belong". Raised by a mother who "loved everybody", it is my theme song, and I'd like it played at my own funeral.
There are many kinds of love, but in its purest essence, it was there at our origin. With God's grace, and the goodness of hospice friends and a family like yours, it will be there at the end as well, for all of us when we breathe our last.
I pray you receive the same kindness, caring, and love that you gave May Lynn in her last hours as you navigate this rough terrain of grief. It truly is why we are all here, to walk the path with you so you won't have to do it alone. We hold each other "up where we belong"
I didn't know May Lynn was only 58. You and your family have my deepest sympathy. The picture in my mind of her grandson giving her a note filled with his love is beautiful. It is true there is no reason for hatred between races. What a ridiculous and ugly thing racism is.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't heard Forever Young before. It is a loving, meaningful song, and I can see why everyone would have been moved by it. There are songs that remind me of loved ones who have passed on. I think music can sometimes be a great healer. I pray God will comfort all of you in this difficult time.
Tom,
ReplyDeleteMy heart is heavy for you and Mrs. Shady but oh, what a beautiful tribute to May Lynn. I know she's smiling down on your remembrance and song selection. May was two years older than me so 'Forever Young' is the purrfect mewsic for her heavenly send off.
Take as long as you need to tend to family. We'll be right here waiting for you whenever you can get back to us and know that you and yours are in our prayers always. Have a blessed Thanksgiving and I hope you all can find reason to give thanks in the midst of your sorrow. God bless you, my friend!
Tom, I feel your sorrow! I do know what you are going though for we both had loved ones pass away this last week.
ReplyDeleteYou showed your love and support by keeping a vigil until May Lynn passed.
What a sweet story about her grandson’s handwritten note.
I really thought you were going to say May Lynn’s favorite Rod Stewart’s song was Maggie “May”!
May she Rest In Peace now.
I wish you and your family a happy Thanksgiving. I hope you all can recall wonderful memories shared with May Lynn. I’m sure Mrs. Shady will be making a delicious meal.
Toni Deroche
Sorry to hear of your family loss. Try to have a nice Thanksgiving and enjoy the blessings your family still has.
ReplyDeleteJerre
I am so sorry for your loss Shady!! Thinking of you and family and lifting yall up in prayer. I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving despite the sadness you've faced lately.
ReplyDeleteSo very sorry to read this. We never know what will happen in our life.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you will all have a quiet but lovely Thanksgiving.
Dear friend,
ReplyDeleteYes, love knows no colour, religion, and orientation. As someone who changed her religion and is of a different religion from my family, I see this every day. Love knows no bounds.
I teared up reading about May's grandson; I teared up reading this whole thing. I want to extend my condolences again and I sure do hope Thanksgiving went as okay as they could be.
Take all the time you need, dear friend! Have a peaceful Saturday.
cat
ReplyDeleteSuzanne
BB
Kelly
YaYa
Kirk
Kathleen
Belle
Cathy
Toni
Jerre
Holli
Gayle
Jessica Marie
Thank you all very much for your kind and comforting messages. Barring another family disaster, I am ready to return to blogging. I invite you back here to Shady's Place tomorrow when I will lighten the mood with a new musical post.
Thank you again for your friendship and support during our period of mourning following the loss of a beloved family member.
Sorry so late to check in on you. I am truly sorry for all you went through, but we're at that age that it is coming much faster- and the worst is watching the kids go through it. My daughter lost her grandpa and her favorite cousin in rapid succession this summer- and that cousin's brother lost both his sister and his wife in a three week span. All I can say is, I understand your grief.
ReplyDeleteTo better days...
Hi, Chris!
DeleteIt was very nice of you to come over and express yourself, good buddy. I appreciate it more than I can say. Thank you for the kind words. I am equally sorry to learn about the recent losses you and your family have suffered. They always seem to come in rapid succession, don't they? Perhaps that's how we are tested and made stronger.
Thanks again for showing up for me, Chris. Once a friend... always a friend. :)